I had my gap year after school, but I feel I’ve entered more of a gap decade.
I said this to a friend as a joke the other day, both single, in our 30’s and have had long-term relationships in the past. But as we are finding, as we age, our standards and expectations of a mate increase and the world of dating is not like it used to be. No one seems to want any longevity; connection is not what is used to be. People are so connected all the time via the Internet and their phones that they seem to not know how to actually connect to another human, actually in the flesh.
My friend was recently coming out of a short relationship, all be it intense, but it was short lived. We came up with the conclusion that there are two types of relationships in the world, as we know it. Those that marry their high school sweethearts or meet someone in their early 20’s and it either just works or they make it work. And those that have had marriages or similar during their younger years that end and they don’t find another companion until well into their 40’s or even later, perhaps when all the baggage is truly set aside.
With this in mind as a theory, perhaps the 30’s as we know them are our opportunity to have a gap decade. A gap of 10 years between drinks so to speak. After all, this is often a time where we are focused on our careers, our minds, our bodies and our souls. We’ve had our hearts broken and many of us are not quite willing to have that happen again. We long for another to share our lives with but are afraid to commit, for one reason or another. I know I’m one that struggles to commit to anything these days for fear of something better coming along and me missing out.
Whilst having an awareness of this is a good thing some would say, the habit is one, which I must start to break. My impeccably high standards regarding committing to anything be it a mortgage, career change, another person or even going to dinner on Saturday night with friends leaves me more often than not going around in circles. In my quest for what I think is perfection, I essentially never get anything done as I am always waiting for the next best thing to come along, so in essence, am rarely in the moment and taking any notice of what is right in front of me.
Perhaps I have some kind of deep seeded commitment issue stemming from something that happened to me as a child, I’ve not yet explored that. Perhaps I am just unreasonably fussy for no reason. Maybe I’m destined to walk the planet as a lone ranger, I seem to do my best work alone so it could be time to accept my fate and stop longing for a life which I keep putting off in case there is a better one around the corner.
Maybe that’s just it, maybe I do need to put my faith in just making the next best decision or move in my life and then from there, making the next one. Perhaps I am in a gap decade as I call it and that this is what happens. Maybe the gap decade theory is just my way of me rationalising my situation in my mind, a way of justifying what I am where I am in my life. Perhaps I need to just lighten up, on myself if no one else.
To live a life of action seems like a dream that I can’t achieve, yet, I look back over all that I have done in the last 10 years and see that I have achieved a lot. So why does life seem to move so slow day to day? Is this just a product of the cleverly marketed world in which we live in today? How does one measure their achievements and successes? By how much money we get paid? How many friends or followers we have online? How many likes our last social media post got? Or is it measured based on how calm and content we feel in our daily lives and with each choice we make?
Has the time come to unplug all together for a while? So as to assist us in getting back to the core of our being and allowing life to unfold as it should. So often we must remove ourselves from the process to allow it to unfold as it should, for so often we are in our own way, we just don’t want to believe it.